Are You Communicating Support, Or Cynicism? It's One Or The Other

In any relationship, either personal or within an organizational structure, there is a constant messaging subtext that signals either "healthy" or "dysfunctional."

Sound and healthy relationships are what we are all shooting for, correct?  Whether at home or on the job, we hope that we can enjoy an environment that is rich with rewards, validation, and trustworthy feedback.  That sort of environment is not an accident.  It's the product of mutual endeavor.

I watched my son get married last week.  He and his bride were positively beaming up at the altar. Their new union was framed in old vows  -- "for better or worse, for richer or poorer" -- as they each promised to uphold the other.  The concepts were large, but the actual words were few.  That's because, in the context of the couples' trusting relationship, the particulars were all to be worked out within daily interactions.  

For my son and his wife, their initial, public, "kick-off "project meeting -- their wedding ceremony -- was comprised of only two topics: 

•  the key objective - this was: let's commit to love each other, no matter what.
•  the intended outcomes  - in the case of this old-school wedding, these were: to glorify God, and make each other happy.

Further details were to be nailed down within that solid framework of support and purpose.  

And that was enough.

A wedding is a reminder that we are not designed to go through life alone. We need to do life together.

Humanity needs community.  And community is built from consistent constructive communication. 

Do you agree?

How different the scene in a divorce lawyer's office, when thick documents are reviewed, paragraph by paragraph, by warring soon-to-be-ex-spouses and their attorneys.  Then, every particular is combed through, and every asset is haggled over, before signatures are guardedly applied.  In a relationship where support and purpose have eroded, the concepts are defined to the smallest degree to parcel out responsibility, and so the verbiage required is voluminous.  

Got the contrast?

Now: think about the most important people in your life. Consider the people with whom you are effectively "doing life together."  Include the people in your family, your social circle, your faith community, your workplace.  

Within each of these spheres of endeavor,  how would you characterize your communication?  Choose one:

A. Trustful, positive, fulfilling  -- packed with good intention

B. Distant, superficial, truce-like -- operating in "safe" mode

C. Distrustful, competitive, stress-producing -- weighed down with conflict

D. Not sure

If you answered B or C, then I'm sorry.  That's a clear indicator that your consistent communication pattern is based more in cynicism than in support.  If so, it drastically needs recalibration. 

If you answered D, then take another step back and evaluate the amount of negotiation you need within the relationship or group to make any shared decision, or to get buy-in for any proposed action.  Chances are, the longer and more elaborate the interaction, the less functional your relationship. 

Do you have a score now for each of your "marriages'" of community? Okay. Then let's consider how to move from cynicism (less trusting) to support (more trusting) in each of these areas.  

Improving Communications By Turning Up The Support Factor On Your End Of The Conversation

So again, if you're not feeling the wedding-bells love, I'm sorry.  However, there's something you can do.  Actually, there's a few things.  Let's get to work on them now.

But first:

Here's what you can't do: change another person.  Most dysfunctional communication starts from that false premise, which is precisely why we won't even entertain that idea. So if changing another person is your idea of success, quit reading now.  If we are out to change relationships, that essentially means changing the way we think, speak and behave within relationships. Are you onboard with that?  Okay, then.

Here's what you CAN do:

1. Commit to being respectful.   If change is to happen in your community, it is necessary to upgrade the dialogue.  You can do that by first determining to view the other(s) in your relationship group as people first, partners second.   Whatever your shared connection, you are each entitled to dignity, safety, and equal humanity within the relationship. They may not see that yet, but you must start there.  Any other starting point is, plain and simple, the beginning of abuse.  So clean up your act and stop all dysfunctional messaging on your end.

(By the way, if the relationship is actually abusive, you need to either exit the relationship, plan a safe escape strategy for a future exit, or stay but get support from other sources who have your back. NEVER remain in an abusive environment without having a strong purpose and establishing an immediately-available trusted support group. For most of us, this is not the issue.  If you think it might be in your case, reach out to someone you do trust now, or call a hotline, to get help figuring it out. Here's one to try: http://www.thehotline.org.)

2. Commit to highlighting shared goals. Tensions may have eroded trust, but there is a foundation of community somewhere within your relationship.  Identify it.  What does everyone have in common?  What are the objectives and outcomes on which you can all agree?  Make a short, broad list:  "All parties seek to have this happen: __________."  Once you have found shared goals, keep them first, last, front and center in your messaging.  Make them the narrow sliver of common ground on which you can all stand together.

3.  Propose, don't prescribe.  Whenever issues arise that are not clearly within your shared objectives and outcomes, don't assume decision-making authority.  Give value to the others in your community by allowing them to give input and come to agreement.  Alter your communications patterns to let everyone contribute their ideas honestly and without fear.  Do this by stopping pressure tactics and providing actual opportunities for choice, discussion, and disagreement.  Though this can lead to more lengthy communications processes, at least for a while until trust is established, it's the number one way to dismantle any assumptions that have been creating subliminal controversy within your community.  

As I have stated in other posts on this blog, my motto for this principle is: "When it becomes a tug of war, drop your end of the rope."  In my experience, relationships tend to degrade over time unless a great deal of energy and attention is paid to intentionally root out and de-polarize differences before they can grow into conflicts.  The best way to do this is to find out what the other party's ideas, goals and priorities are through dialogue, then look for ways to support those ideas, goals and priorities by linking them to already-agreed-upon shared objectives and outcomes.  

I know -- that's a mouthful.  I wish there was a book that I could recommend on the subject.  Maybe I'll have to write one.  In the meantime, do what you can to minimize distrust by creating ways for everyone to feel heard.  It's the shortest, best means to bring every relationship back to that honeymoon stage when everyone has clear goals in mind, and the best intentions to treat each other well as they work to achieve them.

To sum up: 

All communities -- whether marriage, family, business, charity group, religious group, or country -- need consistent constructive communication to survive.

WHOA.  I think we just stepped out of the airlock into deep frozen space.  Did I actually say that a country, like any other human institution, needs good communication to survive? 

Yup!  But that's the subject for another blog post. For now -- 

Congratulations, Pete and Marta, on your marriage.  May you always bring out the best in each other.  And congratulations, dear blog post reader, on taking the constructive steps necessary to upgrade the communication in your most problematic relationships - to leave cynicism behind, and target support as the new hallmark of your community.  Leave a comment on how you apply my counsel, and where it takes you!

Here's wishing you relationships, at home and at work, that are rich with rewards, validation, and trustworthy feedback. Always.

Tips For Padding A PowerPoint

Tips For Padding A PowerPoint 

When you're the one standing in front of the room, kicking off your PowerPoint can feel like hitting the open road.  You are finally at the wheel, ready to chauffeur your audience through the slides that you have prepared.  Such vistas filled with vibrant possibilities are ahead!  Such landscapes of lovingly-prepared content!  So you accelerate into your introductory remarks, merge your tour bus onto your highway of hope, and steer into what you intend to be a meaningful and memorable presentation.

The message you want to convey is like a journey, for which you are the guide.  You are prepared. Your talking points are lined up, like attractions on a well-studied map.  Your cursor arrow is poised to navigate through the next however-many minutes you have.  You're confident that  your audience is in for a great PowerPoint ride. What could go wrong?

Even when you are at the height of your PowerPoint powers, one unfortunate issue might derail your carefully-crafted presentation.  It might turn out to be too short!  

Ending your PowerPoint too soon can be like reaching the end of a scenic road trip too early, sort of like getting to the restaurant an hour before your dinner reservation.  You and your passengers are left with extra time on your hands, and no idea how to spend it.  Awkward.

If you have a certain time slot to fill with your PowerPoint talk, and you MUST fill it (perhaps because other speakers will not be ready to follow you until a certain time), it can feel as though you have to virtually hold your audience hostage for a specific interval.  And if the subject of your talk is too skimpy, then you must figure out a way to extend your show without losing the glow.  

Actually, this is a problem that seasoned PowerPoint deliverers learn to work around intuitively.  In fact, all the PowerPoints I design have “stretch points” built into them so that I can riff for any length of time, at any point, and keep my hearers blissfully unaware that I am now in Improv mode.  I construct my PowerPoints this way because I have learned that even with the tightest of schedules, things can happen beyond the speaker’s control which may cause the event organizers to stage whisper at any time: “Keep them in the room for 15 more minutes!”  It could be any number of reasons.  The next speaker is late.  The breakout rooms aren't set up yet.  The catering truck broke down.  The meeting next door broke too early, and now everyone is mobbing the elevators.  The buses to go to the offsite activity are held up in traffic.  You get the idea.

So the question is:

>>>  How do you build in natural stretch points that will enhance your PowerPoint message, not dilute it? 

Here's a process I follow which can keep your PowerPoint structure sturdy and engaging, yet make it stretchable if needed.  

1. Pre-plan your target delivery times.  First, have a good idea of the length that each section of your PowerPoint will probably take.  Time yourself as you rehearse your presentation in the days before you deliver it.  Write down the minutes required to get through each section at a normal pace.  Then, compare the actual time it takes to the time you would want it to fill.  In this way, you can identify at which points within your talk you might need to expand out your delivery a bit. You can target endpoints for each section and write time prompts in your notes.  For example, let’s say my talk had five sections:  Introduction, First Point, Second Point, Third Point, and Summary.  My talk starts at 9:00 AM.  On the notes for my last slide of my Introduction, I might write 9:07.  On the last slide for my First Point section, I might write 9:20.  Etc. Etc down through the notes.  

This way when you reach each transition slide, you can do a time check.  If you’re running over time, as is often the case, you can speed up delivery.  If you’re going too fast, you can give yourself a cue to slow down.  

Either way, the next tips can be useful to calibrate your times mid-presentation to hit your target for the expected duration of your program.

2.  Identify Key Points with their own slides.  As you rehearse , look for the core practical best ideas — things that really drive your key learning objectives.  A good question to ask is: "What do I want my audience to DO after they hear my talk?” Whenever you find such a point, create an extra slide for it, right there in the middle of the show.  You can sprinkle these slides throughout your talk.  It helps to give them a slightly different look, design-wise, and a unifying title, such as “Takeaway Tool” or “Putting It Into Practice”  or simply “Key Point.”  For instance, if you are relaying an anecdote about an employee having a conversation with a client, and you want to underscore a winning strategy that was used, you might insert a slide that says simply:

                                        Takeaway Tool #1:  Listen patiently and do not interrupt. 

Imagine how a few of these call-out slides can help your audience retain the useful elements of your talk.  Try to sprinkle at least 3, and no more than 7, such slides into your presentation.  Place them at semi-regular intervals so that they will function as natural paragraph breaks in your talk.  When you get to one, alter your voice and rhythm noticeably.  You might even have a member of the audience read that slide, just for a change of pace.  The point is, make them stand out. (If you're planning to distribute a hardcopy handout or an email meeting summary, make sure these key ideas show up there as well, worded the same way and placed in the same sequence.) 

3.  Create stretch points around your Key Point slides.  Beyond being useful to drive home your message, these call-out slides also offer some breathing space.  If you need to pad your presentation, these spots are natural expansion points.  Lets say you reach one and take a look at the clock and realize you need to fill in an extra five minutes of time in order to stay on track with your target time intervals.  If so, you can dip into your Universal Stall-For-Time Question Bank.  What, you don’t have one?  Well, let me share some of mine with you:

Beth’s Universal Stall-For-Time Question Bank

After you present the Key Point slide, ask one or two of these zingers to open up some interaction and discussion:

- Who’s heard this tip before? 

                  (Or use this counter-intuitive variation:  Who’s NEVER heard this tip before?) 

- Sell me on this idea.  Why should I do it?

- Who already uses this idea?

- What good things have you seen happen when you do this?

- What can happen when we DON'T do this?

- How can we remind ourselves to do this?

- Who has a story about a time when they did this?

- Who has a horror story about a time when they DIDN’T do this?

- What might happen if we ALWAYS made it a habit to do this?

- Who’s got a situation where you think there might be an exception - this is might be a BAD idea?

- Who’s got a question about this? 

You can see where this is going.  You can insert a few of these questions, in different order, any time you need to run out the clock.  A few reminders about these impromptu discussions:

• Don’t be too quick to fill in the answers yourself.  If you let the pauses become uncomfortable, most of the time -- sooner or later -- someone will say something.  
• When they do speak up, respond with encouragement.  
• If they don’t answer, even after a long silence, just say a short answer of your own, and quickly try another question.  Or say something like, “Hmm, I guess this is a really bad idea then?”  That might get the natural arguers going, just to defend your point for you.  
• Pause after asking each question.  Watch for any reactions, and use them.  If someone laughs, rolls their eyes or shakes his head, smile at him and say, “Tom, you’ve got a thought on this — tell us.”  Then keep the improv-style moment going.  
• The key thing is to always react positively to anything anyone says.  Respond with something like: “Good thought.  Who else?”  or "Wow, that's a different take.  Thanks for sharing it.  Want to explain?" Keep fishing.  It takes time for people to organize their thoughts.  When you have reached the target time (where you want to be on the clock), wrap it up simply by saying, “Great, well let’s see what’s next.” Then advance your slide and you are ready to go.

The beauty of this approach is that it not only helps you put your timing on track, it reinforces the points you want to make in a way that keeps people from tuning out.  It also lets you get off the lecture soapbox, which is really important if you want your audience to love you. Trust me.  Use this tool. 

Of course, the opposite is true too.  For presentations that are already taking too long, your Key Point slides can just whiz by with the briefest mention. So if you're doing well with your pace, or even running over your time, remember that you can just get to each Key Point, read it quickly, and move on.  

4.  Paste your Key Point Slides in again after your closing slide, just for insurance.  Let's say you've done well up to the last part of your talk.  A setback might still arise.  For instance, your colleague might inform you that the data in some of your closing summary slides is actually wrong, and you need to skip those slides altogether.  Or maybe a 7-minute video that you planned to use doesn't load properly, and you have to ditch it and keep going.  Whatever.  True PowerPointers know that you will ALWAYS be blind-sided by something or other during your talk. The point is, you never know if you might get to the end and still be in danger of ending too soon.

If this happens,  no need to panic!  Just give yourself more runway for your landing. Here's how.  Stick an extra set of these Key Point slides into the tail end of your PowerPoint, after all the planned presentation slides end.  That way, you can always say, “So let’s review…” and go through the important takeaways one more time with your hearers.

if you have only an extra minute or two to absorb, You can just read them over again in succession, as if you planned all along to refer to them again, then dismiss the group (to thundering applause).

If time needs to be stretched even more, try these ideas for making the most of your extra "encore" set of Key Point slides:

• The Personalization Challenge - Read them through more slowly.  Ask more questions about each one, especially as they may relate to thoughts that you brought up toward the end of your talk.  Tie in some thoughts that came from the audience.  Challenge your hearers to pick the one they want to work on in the days and weeks ahead.
• The Top Tip Award - Read your tips through once, then call for a hand-raising vote on which one is the most important.  Back up and go through the slides again, this time asking for hands to be raised.  Keep score on the whiteboard.  (This is a good review tactic if you have multiple sessions of your talk, because you can compare what this crowd says with what the prior audiences said, and everyone can feel either validated - - if they agreed with the people in the session before them -- or superior -- if they didn't.)
• Group Discussion - What if you truly have lots of unexpected time left?  Then you can always stage some extra discussion time.  Split the crowd into groups and assign each group one Key Point.  Give them another question from your Universal Stall-For-Time Question Bank to discuss among themselves, and a set time limit for their discussion.  Roam around the room to help the groups get rolling and invigorate the wilting conversations.  Then call "time's up" and ask each group to present their ideas to the full assembly. 

However you use them, this extra bonus set of Key Point slides can become your trusty  expandable back-up plan if you ever need to go into overtime. Sneaky you.  Stage it smoothly enough, and your hearers will think that you intended to do it that way all along.  

5.  Finally - Always - My Cardinal Rule - Talk Slower Than You Think You Should.  Most PowerPoint presenters tend to speed-click through their slides and speak as if they were in a race.  They do so without realizing how bad that makes them sound.  If you think you may be prone to do this, first of all, forgive yourself. It’s a normal part of feeling self-conscious.  Our natural urge, when speaking in public, is to get it over with and be apologetic all the way through.  Please do NOT give in to that urge.  Remember: You are on the stage because you have an important message to deliver.  Out of respect for that message, and your hearers, give your talk at a leisurely pace.  Relax.  Make eye contact. Enunciate.  Breathe.  Let there be periods, whole seconds, of silence.  Far from making your audience uncomfortable, you will be doing them a favor, giving them time to digest one idea before diving into another.  Speak at a slightly slower pace than you would use in a conversation with friends. 

(Unless of course, the clock is running out — then, feel free to become a motormouth!)

Seriously, this approach to pad a PowerPoint will give you the flexibility you often need to frame your content with suitable discussion, thoughtfulness, and “white space” so that people can get the most benefit from all your hard work. And hard work it is!  But it is rewarding too.  

Just as a good road trip can expand peoples' horizons and leave them with rewarding memories, your PowerPoint may change peoples’ awareness, attitudes, habits, performance, and even ultimately their destinies. It may reward them with information they can use, or with tools to confront and conquer their most challenging problems. 

So watch that clock — and design every PowerPoint to drive home your points with power, no matter now much (or how little) time you have to deliver it! 

What Will Your Job Look Like In Five Years?

We're seeing many signals that whole new industries are opening up as a result of technology -- but others are going to be made as obsolete as buggy-whip-makers.  Some areas of expertise will remain rather constantly in demand, but others will suffer a sharp decline in marketability. Into which category does your occupation fit?  Check this website to get a glimpse:  

https://willrobotstakemyjob.com/

This site rates an occupation's risk level for automation.  Here's how to use it to your best advantage:  Enter what you do, and get an instant assessment that will tell you what you might expect.  But sit down first.  You might see something like: "Automation Risk Level: You are Doomed. (or 89% probability of automation)" 

If so, don't despair.  The trick is to continue to use this site to search related jobs until you find one that says something like: "Totally Safe (.48 % risk of automation)" . Then plan to take steps NOW to skew your formal education, extra-curricular activities, networking, and on-the-job experience so that you can add more bullet points to your resume that are relevant to that "neighboring" occupation.  

For instance,  the role of Medical Transcriptionist (writing up medical reports) is fairly obviously "Doomed," due to the rapid penetration of voice-to-text automation.  But if you've been doing your medical transcribing for a psychiatrist's office for years, you probably have a lot of industry knowledge that might help you ace getting certified in Mental Health Counseling, which has a "Totally Safe" rating.  Not a people person? Then you might want to stick to the writing side of your existing medical transcription skillset, and plot a pathway to make the career switch to Editor - another "Totally Safe" pursuit.

Change is coming.  Let's take steps now to manage the factors that are within our control.  

For the things that are outside our control -- and of course, there are many -- let's also use 2018 to firm up our resilience and optimism, using the tools that work best for us.  For me and my other Christian friends, that means reinforcing our daily reliance on God and rediscovering the power of His Word to transform both our inner outlook, and our outer outcomes.  For more about how to do that, I refer you to the nearby church of your choice!  Or you can join me at Shelter Rock Church in Syosset, NY on any Sunday to get some real resolution for any roadblocks that are dredging up dread and disturbing your peace.  

Hope this has been helpful and thought-provoking.  Here's to a productive 2018!